EcoHustler takes command of the US military

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The United States Armed Forces  is the biggest single user of energy on the planet. It requires 43 percent of the world’s military expenditure to sustain – thats about about $554.2 billion annually. Overall, “it possess large quantities of advanced and powerful equipment, along with widespread placement of forces around the world, giving them significant capabilities in both defense and power projection.”

To say the US military has a poor environmental record is an understatement. In the Vietnam War  the U.S. military sprayed 79 million liters of herbicides and defoliants (including Agent Orange) over about one-seventh of the land area of southern Vietnam to oust Viet Cong guerrillas out of the dense cover they found in the hardwood forests and mangroves. In Iraq, “shock and awe” tactics of mass  infrastructure destruction, burning oil fields and extensive chemical, metal and radioactive pollution have left the country ravaged. War, by definition, is not sustainable.

But what if this powerful organization started to work on behalf of Gaia… not against her? EcoHustler explores the huge potential for planetary rehabilitation below… but first… lets blow up some bad shit!

TARGET 1: Japanese whaling fleet


  • ssnmissnWEAPON: nuclear-powered attack submarine and cruise missiles
  • RATIONALE:  Proponents of a new bill of rights argue the cetacean mind is so advanced and self-aware that whales and dolphins should be classified as “non-human persons” who deserve the right to life, liberty and wellbeing. “A person needs to be an individual,” said Tom White, a philosopher at the Hilton Centre for Business in Los Angeles. “If individuals count then the deliberate killing of individuals of this sort is ethically the equivalent of deliberately killing a human being.”
  • SLOGAN: “no more sushi for you sick bastards!”

TARGET 2: Mega Dams


  • 080711-N-5874W-017WEAPON: ground troops lazor dot target, then cruise missiles launched from ships
  • RATIONALE:  large dams: block rivers preventing fish from swimming upstream to spawn; flood vast areas destroying habitat and creating methane pollution from rotting vegetation whilst principally benefitting the financial institutions that siphon public money into leveraged debt schemes and centralise energy generation so that these beasts will keep pumping them money for decades until silting up – all the while diverting money and energy from the dispersed renewables we actually need.
  • SLOGAN: “its flow time!”

TARGET 3: Idiot Asian Businessmen buying Rhino horn and Tiger as a (non-functioning) aphrodisiac

  • 0aaguantanamooo09WEAPON: extraordinary rendition
  • RATIONALE:  the most spectacular creatures on our planet are being pushed to extinction by abject stupidity and avarice. It is time to send these scumbags a message. We will capture 100 of them and whip them over to “GitMo”. Once there, we will unleash the CIA’s most sinister torture experts who are into that really weird shit that keeps you awake for weeks before making you regress to a weeping incontinent, baby whilst denouncing your god.
  • SLOGAN: “blub blub fat boy”

TARGET 4: Alberta Tar Sands infrastructure


  • cluster-bombWEAPON: cluster bombs followed by the AC130 gunship
  • RATIONALE:  this is the biggest single environmetnal catastrophe on the planet. Destroying the equiptment will push the project back and make it more expensive. As fossil fuel costs go up dispersed renewables become more economically viable. Of course, the best way to make fossil fuels more expensive and bring forward renewables is to turn off the £1.5 trillion global annual subsidy – a transfer of wealth from the public to the corporations driving climate change. Politicians could do this now but they are too oily.
  • SLOGAN: “its boom time!”

Other useful things the US military could do now

  • Use the giant naval fleet to remove plastic form the oceans. Convert ships to scoop up the particles in the Pacific Gyre then aircraft carriers can be used as plastic reprocessing factories. Could these even manufacture giant floating renewable energy platforms in-situ?
  • Head into Siberia and the great frozen northern hemisphere and head off the dreaded “methane belch” by planting billions of trees.
  • Distribute the millions of tonnes of excess food from the West to poorer countries.
  • Make mega cities ecological by making every roof productive using either urban gardens or solar technology.
  • Create, police and defend enormous wilderness areas to conserve biodiversity and keep the biosphere stable and suitable for human habitation.



Eco Poster, Your Planet Needs You, Eco Propaganda, World War 2

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